then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We're too hungover to prance.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
