I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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