from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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