i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
