she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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