Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
