I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
