Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
