I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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