Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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