dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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