your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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