I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
