Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
