I am in a vortex of obligation.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
