awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no. you can't hotbox the world.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
