so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
