I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
