All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
