I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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