Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
