I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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