Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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