I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
