someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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