No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
