If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
