I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
