I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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