Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
