Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
