I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
