I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
