Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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