i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
