i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
