I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
