My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
