I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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