Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
