Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
