hotel room ftw
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
