I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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