I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
