Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
