420 ftw
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
