just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
