maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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