i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
