dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
