Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
