South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
