I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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