ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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