A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
