Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
