I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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