last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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