At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
