'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
