Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
