In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
