Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
