Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
