who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
