I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
