The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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