Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
