You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
