I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
