Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
