he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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