Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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