I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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