genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
