I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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