Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
