I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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