God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
